That's right: MONEY.
Now, before I dive in--what I want to know is... how did the subject of money and weddings become so taboo? I already hesitated on the title, the opening sentence, and now this one. Bridal-brain says You shouldn't be blogging this.
But in the spirit of trail-blazing (HA), and my penchant for social transparency I defiantly shake my fist to the sky.
And I say: Who did this?
Who turned one of the best days of my life into a several thousand dollar ordeal? Was it the credit card companies, bridal boutiques, the Russians or all of the above? I really don't understand.
Thus far, I've been able to surmise that for some time there have been a couple extremes in the wedding world. Introducing...
The Broke-Ass Bride: Anywhere from $100 to $6,000 to spend on the big day. Most of this falls on credit cards. Most of this comes out of the couple's own pocket. A lot of ramen is consumed. A lot of favors are called in, and lots of friends are invited over to help (literally) construct a wedding. Tears are shed. But ultimately the twin goals of 'wedding' and 'marriage' are accomplished. (This is not to infringe on the actual Broke-Ass Bride whom I love and adore)
The Well-Off Bride: Who knows where their budget is? Sure, they get stressed--but usually are able to throw money at the problem without too much of an issue. Sacrifices will be made, sleep will still be lost. But at the end of their nuptials they are usually able to look around themselves and be quite content with everything they found and purchased. I love you Well-Off Brides, make no mistake. But I envy you entirely.
Because a new type of bride is emerging. And at once she is glorious and not so pretty.
The Broke-Ass Bride 2.0.
To be entirely up front, yes, I do fall squarely into this category.
Before I began my own wedding planning odyssey, I would never (ever) have thought in my wildest dreams that the kind of laid-back and casual wedding I had in mind could not possibly be done for $10,000. I would never (ever) have thought in my craziest nightmare that I could be considered on a tight budget or as a "low-end Bride" (wtf does that even mean?). But here I am, folks! In all my target-clearance, noodle-scarfing splendor.
The BAB 2.0 is really an emerging demographic, but is serving to offset the polarity between the Well-Off and the previous Broke-Ass. All of a sudden the costs of weddings are skyrocketing. Brides (and grooms!) that want a truly touching, gorgeous, and personal wedding are on the ropes. In this market, you have to do three things to have a wedding that even comes close to your dreams:
1) Put your thinking cap on and get seriously scary smart/ruthless
2) Get your gardening gloves out and get ready to get dirty and work hard
3) Get lucky
Lots of Brides and their Maidys and their menfolk have to bust a move on their weddings--doing a lot themselves, making steep sacrifices and doing tons of research. But a seriously dark side is lurking in the shadows. "One-down-manship" is at an all-time high. How am I supposed to have a great, photogenic wedding when I simultaneously understand that I a) Can't do everything myself and b) Don't have the money to have other people do it for me?
Why is all this stuff so expensive?!!!
***Editor's Note: I'm sure the Ohio couple with their glorious wedding are awesome people. I sincerely mean it. But I have never been so down on my Brideself as when I saw that wedding, it's price tag and starting comparing it to mine.
Oh I agree. I feel like an expert, since I've had two weddings. I've learned that on a budget, you have to pick the things you want to invest in. Sure I'd love those $100 each invitations, but let's be realistic--people are going to eventually throw them away. So I made my own. Venue, location, food--make sure you pick what's important to YOU. The first time I wasted so much money on food and I barely ate any and what I DID eat wasn't all that exciting. I'd have been happier with pizza.
ReplyDeleteMy second wedding I just let it all hang out. I ran off to Vegas (with his parents and my dad). It was fun. The venue was cheap, but fancy, because that's the market niche out there. I didn't get the fanciest dress (and let's be honest, I was hiding a 12 week bump), but it was pretty and casual and totally got trashed anyway because casinos are filthy. Then we ended up having a great time there--good food, good sight seeing, good gambling. It was thousands of dollars cheaper, I didn't actually have friends there, but we had a fun low key bbq reception when we came back, and that was totally okay because no one could raise a nose at me--it wasn't the ACTUAL reception of a wedding!
But I find there is snobbery in admitting a budget, no matter how high or low. People want to clam up because they are embarrassed or proud. I say Eh. If they're your friends or family, they should already know where you're sitting financially, and I really respect a bride who doesn't want to spend the first five or ten years of her married life paying off that one day.
And seriously? What really matters? We got some good pictures, we have a good story, we didn't go bust so we have nice house, nice car, nice baby, nice baby stuff... Those things will last a lot longer than that one day--or that terrible chicken marsala from my first wedding! :)
I love you! Thank you so much for your support--you have no idea!
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